Yep, that’s me. I have a tattoo. I’ve had it for a couple of years now, but the meaning behind it has been very much in my mind lately. It’s a water droplet with a cross, and I designed it as a reminder to myself that my life is to be poured out like water in service to Christ. It took me a couple of years to really analyze what I wanted to use as a symbol that would sufficiently sum up how I want to be defined. And this is it. Everything that I ever was, am right now or ever will be is to be poured out.
I gave my life to the Lord when I was three years old. Obviously, it was a very simple and naive decision at that point. But it is a decision that I have never wavered on. As a teen and young adult, I often made decisions that were not in line with God’s will for my life, but He always drew me back and gently corrected me. As time marches on, though, and life only seems to get more complex, I find myself wanting more and more to pour out my life – my own wants, my own comfort, my own ideas of what is best for me and my family.
Sometimes the decisions are easy. I can see the immediate benefit to following what I know He wants me to do. Sometimes I think I know what I’m getting myself into by following His instructions, and I convince myself that I can deal with the short-term hardship and then there will be great rewards. (Those situations seem to need a daily recommitment as the “short-term” grows longer and the rewards seem farther away and less worthwhile.) And sometimes I feel like I have no choice but to completely let go of everything I hold dear because I can’t control anything and I can’t make sense of what His plan is.
But this I know: He’s worth it. This is why I’ve had it marked on my skin for as long as I have this body: He’s worth it! My life, whether it’s filled with joy or heartbreak, is a mere breath in the scope of time. What on earth do I have to offer, for heaven’s sake? Just me. All of me. It’s not much, but it’s all I’ve got. And He’s worth it all.
The amazing thing is that He considered ME to be worth HIS all.
I mentioned in an earlier post that I’m involved in an Easter Passion play at our church. This role is bigger and more demanding than any role I have ever had (not that that’s a long list). There has been a lot going on in our family and in our plans for the future over these past few months, and it has been difficult for all of us to have me involved in this show. But as I’ve dredged through so many emotions in my character, I have had to get to know Jesus on a deeper level than I ever have before. And I can only come to the same conclusion: He’s worth it.
There is nothing in my life that I would choose to change if it meant loving Him less, serving Him less, or giving Him less glory. I count it all joy if my life can be poured out like water for Him.