I just came home from the dentist. While I was reclined, and trying to mentally escape the Jabbing Soft Flesh With Sharp Instruments, I came up with this list of things that I really should have known to be true without testing them. But at least now I have the experience to back it up.
1. Flossing matters. Even my dumbest readers (no, not you, of course!) can imagine how I came up with that one.
2. Breastfeeding is not a reliable method of birth control. My babies were fourteen months apart. Whoopsy-daisy!
3. Hot ashes can still ignite, and therefore should not be disposed of in a composter. This advice is especially pertinent if your composter happens to be right beside your 100-year-old barn.
4. Somewhat related to #3, if you call 911 and need them to get to you really, really, really, really, really fast, just tell them your barn is on fire. ‘Nuf said.
5. I cannot be relied upon to remember that something is hidden in the oven before preheating said oven. Missed that story? Oh, it’s delightful. Click here: https://ineedanewman.wordpress.com/2011/10/05/idontneedanewman/
6. Getting a tattoo hurts, but not as badly as giving birth or knocking your teeth out.
7. Eating half a dozen of Jaclyn’s maple tarts and vowing to exercise more next week doesn’t work. But they are so worth it. Seriously. Go here: http://jaclynslittlebakery.blogspot.ca/
8. I apparently do have a squeamish bone in my body! I can kill a mouse with a flyswatter. I can decapitate a live cockroach with my thumbnail. I can squash a weird-looking African spider with the palm of my hand without skipping a beat in the conversation. I can find a grasshopper dining from my plate and keep eating. And I can wrap a 12-foot python around my neck. But that centipede on our bedroom ceiling? Um…Honey, I “can’t reach”.
9. Nope. Can’t think of any more right now.
But I’m sure I’m not the only one who has learned something the hard way. Care to share?