I’m Classy and I Know It

30 May

Sometimes I put effort into my class act. What? You didn’t know it was an act? Bless you, my sweet cherubic liar. While you’re at it, go ahead and tell me I don’t look anywhere close to being old enough to have teens.

Have I mentioned that I’m not a domestic goddess? You may have noticed this if you’ve ever been to my home. I do put some effort into general tidiness and cleanliness, but not a whole lot. My kids have household chores, and I make them do them with strict regularity, but I try not to go all drill sergeant on them if they’re not as thorough as I would ideally like them to be. Sometimes I make them rewash dishes. But sometimes I figure, meh, I’m not the one who has to use that crusty container to pack my lunch for school. Sometimes I nag them to clean up their clutter and sometimes I just throw it out. I’m flexible that way.

Menu planning and gourmet meal preparation are two talents that are severely lacking in my domestic goddess repertoire. Almost every day, five o’clock rolls around and I suddenly realize that all these people around me are going to start whining to be fed and shoot! it’s my turn to make supper. It is always my turn. There are no other players in this game. Stupid game. It’s like “go to jail and do not collect $200” every single day.

However, yesterday was one of my rare days when I think ahead. I actually thawed the chicken overnight in the fridge. I had a new recipe I wanted to try and it looked so good and easy and I was absolutely sure it would change my life forever. I don’t very often cook with wine (because I’d rather just drink it), but I was determined to make a beautiful meal for my beloved family. I had everything prepared. There was fresh lettuce from our very own garden (my husband’s baby – not mine, as you may recall that my gardening skills suck grub guts). I have recently made the ginormous leap to real rice that takes more than one minute to make. And I was going to make this beautiful red wine/brown sugar chicken dish.

There is one small problem with being prepared well ahead of time. Supper may be ready way earlier than it usually is (you know, because when you usually decide sometime after 5 that you should maybe get some meat out of the freezer, you grow accustomed to eating at 6:30). And the problem with that is my husband doesn’t usually get home from work at 5. So, supper was ready early and the sweet hubs was not yet home. I didn’t want to eat this delicious, aromatic masterpiece with just the children (who would rather just have hot dogs anyway), so I decided to pour in some extra wine to keep it from drying out. But then I also turned the heat way down to keep it from burning.

You, my gourmand readers, may see where this is going. I, however, didn’t think it all the way through. So, when my vowed-to-love-me-forever-and-ever-no-matter-what husband arrived home, I demurely served our supper: sweet, sticky chicken that had been soaking in red wine for half an hour at a temperature that was not high enough to burn off the alcohol. My kids loved it.

And then I dropped them off at youth group.

I am all kinds of awesome!


Posted by on May 30, 2012 in Family, Humour, parenting


Tags: , , , , ,

11 responses to “I’m Classy and I Know It

  1. sixpuns

    May 30, 2012 at 12:01 PM

    Meal preparation is simple where I live: those who get home first, do the cooking. A good rule to follow, (even though I’m writing this from Antarctica right now).

    • Anita Neuman

      May 30, 2012 at 12:05 PM

      I am implementing that rule effective immediately! A word to my neighbours: if you see me lurking in the trees down the road, it’s just because I’ve ditched my at-home mom responsibilities and I’m “letting” my husband get home first. 🙂

  2. Renee Galvis

    May 30, 2012 at 12:02 PM

    I am ROLLING!!!! 🙂 oh my! oh my! oh my! Aren’t you glad you’re bogging this… just in case the kids forget, you’ll have a nice record for them! 😉

  3. Shelby

    May 30, 2012 at 12:09 PM

    There probably wasn’t enough wine involved for them to have forgotten the incident. :o)

    Funny post, Neat!

  4. Sue Balfour

    May 30, 2012 at 12:37 PM

    I am crying, I’m laughing so hard. You sound like me in the kitchen Anita!
    Thank you for sharing. I need a good laugh every day!

  5. Shannon Smith

    May 30, 2012 at 12:46 PM

    Thank you for the laugh Anita! You are super!

  6. Susan Brown

    May 31, 2012 at 6:00 PM

    LOL! I may have to visit you again.

    • Anita Neuman

      June 27, 2012 at 8:33 AM

      Ack! I’m so sorry I didn’t get notification of your comment and I didn’t even know it was there until just now. I wasn’t trying to be a total snob – that just happens accidentally sometimes. 😛
      Anyway, thanks for visiting, and I hope you’ll come again sometime. 🙂

  7. barnabasfarm

    August 22, 2012 at 4:55 PM

    Okay. I’m in this strange spot of realizing that if I comment on every, single thing you write I’m going to seem kinda creeper/stalker-ish. But I’m lovin’ it ALL. This one had me almost falling off my chair. Are you sure we weren’t separated at birth?? Totally. Cracked. Me. Up.

    • Anita Neuman

      August 22, 2012 at 5:01 PM

      I have TOTALLY done that to other bloggers and felt exactly like you feel right now. 🙂 Don’t be shy. Maybe someday we’ll be reunited (you know, after all these years of separation) and we can compare our parallel lives!
      I needed this encouragement right now, so thank you for speaking up!

  8. Rebekah

    May 1, 2013 at 10:42 AM

    favourite blog post EVER!!!!!!!!!


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