Ah, the summer Olympics of 2012 are now over, but what fun it was! The precision, the speed, the power, the balance…it’s all mind-boggling for us ordinary folks. For those of us who used to be somewhat athletic in our youth, the Olympics are nostalgic. For those of us who are still athletic, the Olympics are…well they’re…perhaps someone who’s still athletic should finish that sentence. For those of us with athletic children, the Olympics are a rush of hope and encouragement (and financial despair). And for those of us who are just having a rip-roaring good time of a summer, the Olympics inspire photo ops and imagination.
I’ve chosen some of my favourite (so far) moments from this summer and compiled them into a list of Fun Summer Activities That Should Be Olympic Events.
Of course we must start with our own version of the Opening Ceremonies. As much as I love putting on a really big show, we haven’t happened to do that this summer. We have, however, put on a couple of really big meals. So in My Olympics, the opening ceremonies will be all about the friends and the food. Pulled pork anyone?
I have trained many years for this first event: Upside-down Weightlifting. Lately we’ve been combining this event with our trampoline skills. Pictured here, I am warming up with a 100-pound weight.
In most diving events, one of the goals is to have as little splash as possible upon entry. That would be an obvious reversal in My Olympics. Not only are big splashes more fun, but this would also allow some crossover so shot-putters and weight lifters could participate in aquatic events. And THAT would give the uniform designers more to work with; I’ve heard them complain that the speedos are the hardest items to design because they’re so small.
Speaking of shot-putting, My Olympics would change that to short-putting. Basically, instead of a ball, you “put” a short person – ideally a child. And we should probably also make this an aquatic event.
Another land activity that My Olympics would move to the pool is the equestrian events. Some might suggest that Equestrian Aquatics could be called horseplay, but I maintain there is a distinct difference: horseplay is strictly forbidden in most pools while Equestrian Aquatics is highly encouraged.
While we’re at it, let’s move one more event into the water that normally wouldn’t be there: boxing. My Olympics would throw the whole ring right into the deep end.
To be fair, we should also take a swimming event and do it on land. FYI, floaties are still required, even when swimming in the sand.
We must include some running events! But instead of a track, we’ll run on grass. And instead of batons, we’ll carry toddlers. And instead of jumping over hurdles, we’ll push cars with our feet. And yes, all of those things will be combined into one event.
Two classic summer activities are eating watermelon and playing on slides. These should also be combined into one event. Touching either the slide or the watermelon with your hands would result in immediate disqualification.
In My Olympics, the javelin throw would be a precision event as opposed to a distance one. The target: hotdogs. Everyone who spears one would get to roast it.
I know that planking is passé now, but the MOC (My Olympics Committee) has decided to include an updated version of it.
For the final event, we return to the pool. The Men’s 400m IM With Multiple Floaties. This one requires video.
Just before the Olympic flame goes out, the Closing Ceremonies would give all of the athletes a chance to finish the games the same way every summer day should be finished.