My Husband, the Harbinger of Hotness

06 Dec

I was recently accused of bragging about my hotness on my blog. As a matter of fact, I believe I have made it pretty clear that I absolutely do not feel that way about myself (you can read more about that here, here,  and somewhere in here if you are so inclined), so I was terribly offended by this accusation. And by terribly offended, I mean mildly perturbed. And by mildly perturbed, I mean rather amused. But if I’m going to be accused of something, I might as well do it. That kind of compares to what Jesus would do, right? And by compares, I mean contrasts.

So without further ado, allow me to give you another reason why iDON’Tneedanewman: my husband thinks I’m hot.

Now, if you’re looking at that little head-shot in the corner of the page here, you might agree with him. I might agree with him, too. I am totally smokin’ hot in that picture. I must confess, though, I rarely look like that. So rarely, in fact, that on that particular day when all the planets happened to be aligned just so, I went into a full-blown panic attack and frantically started shouting around the house, “Someone needs to take my picture right now!” My eleven-year-old snapped this one for me. Bless her!

If that is how I looked all the time, my husband thinking I’m hot would not be anything special. What makes him special is that he thinks I’m hot even though I usually look more like this: – wait! Before you look, you need to put both hands over your face and part your fingers ever-so-slightly so you can just barely see between them. And then take a quick glance at the picture, but not for more than two seconds. Any longer than that and it’ll be like that scene at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark when they open the ark and all their faces melt off. Ready? Go!


I’m sorry you had to see that. Look back to the picture in the top corner. Feel better?

Back to my adorable husband. Last week I was at worship team practice and I got a text from – guess who! It simply said, “You’re hot!” I oohed and ahhed and passed my phone around for all to see. They oohed and ahhed, too. And then they pulled out their own phones and texted my husband to tell him he was hot. I texted him, too, with “You’re hot. We all think so.” We are so mature.

When I got home, he asked if we’d actually done anything productive at practice. I informed him that everyone thought his text was the sweetest thing. They asked how long we’d been married (16 years, BTW), and if he said things like that to me all the time (yes). One guy asked if he could use that with his wife (to which I should have said, “No, it’s Pat-ented!” Oh, my husband’s name is Pat. Let’s try that again. “No, it’s Pat-ented!” HA HA HA!) I reassured him that we weren’t making fun of him; it’s just that everyone thought it was so great that he would take the time to send me such a text.

His response: “Why wouldn’t I? Have they seen you?”

And that, my friends, is why iDON’Tneedanewman.


Posted by on December 6, 2012 in Beauty, Humour


Tags: , , ,

20 responses to “My Husband, the Harbinger of Hotness

  1. Korin

    December 6, 2012 at 3:22 PM

    You absolutely crack me up. 🙂

    BTW, my man does similar things and we’ve been married for 15 years. Love him more today than ever…it just gets better and better. 🙂

    Thanks for the mid-day giggle!!

    • Anita Neuman

      December 6, 2012 at 3:25 PM

      Why, thank you, Korin! I used to think that “love you more now than I did when we got married” talk was so cliche. But now that I’m old, I realize it’s so true!

      • Korin

        December 6, 2012 at 3:28 PM

        Hehe….where’s the like button? 😉

  2. Laura Nunn

    December 6, 2012 at 3:31 PM

    I love this post 🙂

    • Anita Neuman

      December 11, 2012 at 8:38 AM

      Thanks, Laura! (Sorry it took me a while to respond. Your comment went into my spam folder!)

  3. Tammy Bull

    December 6, 2012 at 5:12 PM

    I’m smiling…

    • Anita Neuman

      December 6, 2012 at 5:22 PM

      That makes me happy, Tammy! YOU make me happy! 🙂

  4. Shelby Somers

    December 6, 2012 at 6:19 PM

    Oh, I loved that post! Whatta guy that Patrick turned out to be! When you married him and he was sporting that sexy mullet you knew what you were doing, Girl!

    • Anita Neuman

      December 6, 2012 at 6:32 PM

      And you all told me not to marry him! Oh wait, we didn’t know you when we got married. 🙂

  5. Julie Firminger

    December 6, 2012 at 9:22 PM

    Oh Anita! I just loooove reading your posts! 🙂

    • Anita Neuman

      December 6, 2012 at 10:50 PM

      Thanks, Julie! And I looooove having you read them! 🙂

  6. Heidi

    December 6, 2012 at 9:48 PM

    AWESOME post, Anita!
    I read an awesome article in Reader’s Digest a couple of years ago about how women need to get over themselves and let their husbands love them. Husbands married us for many reasons and the number one reason was because they thought we were hot. We still are. Sure we may have a couple of extra pounds, stretch marks and wrinkles but our husbands don’t see that. Seriously! They still see us as the beautiful people we really are. (Can I say it is also helps that we have br****s?) Let them in – they know our foibles but love us still.

    • Anita Neuman

      December 6, 2012 at 10:50 PM

      Well that’s pretty stinkin’ cool! Thanks for the awesome input, Heidi!

  7. Light Friday

    December 7, 2012 at 5:23 AM

    well said 🙂

  8. JasmineKyleSings

    December 10, 2012 at 12:15 PM

    First you can be the juiciest ripest peach on the tree and there will STILL be people who don’t like peaches! SECOND Thank GOD for hot husbands, the job of mom and wife may be a tough job but at least the coworkers are HOT!!!

    • Anita Neuman

      December 10, 2012 at 12:22 PM

      Yup, hot coworkers make the job better in so many ways! 🙂 Thanks for joining in here!

  9. Barb Vlasov

    December 11, 2012 at 9:19 AM

    Anita, your blogs are hilarious, unique and so true! Only YOU could pull these off with such style and grace. Please…keep sharing your inspired thoughts! They make my day 🙂

  10. Anita Neuman

    December 11, 2012 at 9:25 AM

    And only YOU would think “style and grace” after I’ve discussed people’s faces melting off. 🙂
    Thanks, Barbie. YOU make MY day!!!


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