Those stickers of stick-figure families on the back of everyone’s minivans? Bo-o-o-oring! The most interesting thing about them is the surprising fact that we as a society have not been able to come up with something more creative than the chainsaw guy. That’s it? Chainsaw Guy is the epitome of our collective resourcefulness and ingenuity? Someone made Chainsaw Guy and everyone thought it was funny so we stopped there? Really?!?!
Something had to be done about this bizarre cultural anomaly. And I figured I should be the one to step up to the plate, what with my extensive background in graphic arts and marketing and all.
So I made an off-hand comment on Facebook that a more realistic portrayal of my family would involve the stick-figure mom and dad making out and the kids puking. Fun conversation ensued. Later that evening, I had a half-hour lapse between chauffeuring gigs, so I drew this:
And a friend who has a bunch of printing equipment at his office made that into a for-real sticker for my van. Unfortunately, it’s ridiculously huge and will take up the whole back window of said van. He claims he couldn’t make it any smaller…something about my lines being too thin to print and cut around and blah, blah, blah. Remember my “extensive background in graphic arts and marketing”? Mild sarcasm, that.
Last night as I watched the Golden Globes (which was not as entertaining as I’d expected it to be once Tina Fey and Amy Poehler finished their opening dialogue), I decided to doodle a couple more. This one here seems a little more realistic than the typical depictions of a family standing side-by-side like a criminal lineup:
Actually (and don’t tell my kids I told you this), I still have to give turns to my adolescent children when they catch me playing airplane with my five-year-old.
Now, I’m not saying this is how I will feel when it is time to push my precious hatchlings from the nest. But I’m all about choosing joy. So I fill force myself to jump, dance, laugh, and toast their departure with a bottle of Goldschläger. Rest assured, Precious Hatchlings, I’ll be crying on the inside.
With that, I bid you Happy Monday! And yes, I am 100% willing to negotiate the sale of my brilliant artistry to any huge corporation for mass production. Or maybe someone’s already done all this and I’m just vastly unaware. It’s moderately possible.