They Should’ve Consulted Me

26 Feb

Yesterday brought about two events that had me shaking my head and muttering, “They should’ve consulted me.” And because I really don’t want to go grocery shopping, I’m going to take a few minutes to regale you with these earth-shattering revelations.

1. I made muffins. Rhubarb muffins with a brown sugar and cinnamon topping, for the inquiring minds who want to know. They were delicious, but that is beside the point. Why do muffin papers come in packages of 50 and 100? Nobody makes 10 muffins! They should come in multiples of 12. They should’ve consulted me. I would’ve told them to do packages of 48 and 96.

2. I watched the Oscars, which I’d recorded the night before. I don’t want to completely slam Seth MacFarlane. He did a moderately adequate job as host. Sure, a few of the jokes were rather off-colour, but nothing so offensive as to get me all up in arms. That’s part of the gig. Roasting people, pushing limits a bit…whatever.

And yes, he is being credited with bringing in huge numbers of viewers. I, personally, lean more towards the opinion that the ratings should be attributed to the popularity of the films that were up for big awards. But again…whatever.

My beef is with his choice in musical numbers. They were just bad. Plain and simply bad. They should’ve consulted me. Clearly the producers trusted him to write and rehearse his own songs without adult supervision, and by the time they realized what he’d done, it was too late to replace them with something funny. I could maybe be convinced that there’s a place in the show to do a humorous tribute to the evening’s losers…but that place should not have been the finale. What a dreadful way to end the broadcast!

As for Catherine Zeta Jones and the Chicago cast, if they’d consulted me about including that little number, I would have given them an enthusiastic go-ahead. And I would’ve been proven correct in that decision. Cathy killed it!

Anne Hathaway described her dress as “business in front and party in the back”. If she’d consulted me, I would’ve let her know that she was portraying the wrong business. Whoopsy-daisy!

I know, I know. Exciting stuff going on over here at ineedanewman today. Fine, I’ll go get my blasted groceries. But let me just say that I’m available for consultation on next year’s Oscars host. In fact, I’m open to the idea of just doing it myself. Call me, Academy.


Posted by on February 26, 2013 in Uncategorized


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5 responses to “They Should’ve Consulted Me

  1. Heidi

    February 27, 2013 at 10:04 AM

    Maybe I should do your grocery shopping for you then you could write more funny stuff. It is a pleasure to read what goes on inside your head.

    Argo is a great movie. Go Canada!

    • Anita Neuman

      February 27, 2013 at 10:07 AM

      Sounds like an awesome deal to me!!! 🙂

  2. jcmmanuel

    February 27, 2013 at 5:43 PM

    Why did you write this blog without consulting me?


    • Anita Neuman

      February 27, 2013 at 7:22 PM

      Bah-ha-ha! I TOTALLY would’ve consulted you if you hadn’t disappeared off the face of the earth! I’m so glad you’re back, though!!!

      • Jcm Manuel

        March 1, 2013 at 1:45 PM

        Ah, okay for being officially your consultant. Actually it feels like the equivalent of being responsible for guiding a herd of elephants through the biggest desert with a whip.

        I can do it. I can do it. I really really can.


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