Eggnog from the Realms of Glory

30 Nov

Yesterday was a momentous day for three reasons:

1. We put up our Christmas tree before December AND my husband, Mr. Anti-Fest, didn’t have a tantrum. This is a big deal. You don’t even know.
2. For the first time ever in our parenting careers, one of our children had a “special friend” hang out with our family, in our home, with our craziness, and our putting up of the Christmas tree. A date, people. A suitor. A person who has asked our permission to pursue a relationship with our baby! Oy. This is the beginning of the end.
3. Eggnog perfection. Oh my dear readers, I bring you good tidings of great joy!

I have a confession for you: I don’t really mind the taste of store-bought eggnog. What I mind is the price! It is insane and ridiculous and completely unreasonable to me. Honestly, if the wise men had brought four precious gifts to Baby Jesus, we would now be singing carols about gold, frankincense, myrrh and eggnog.

I have another confession for you: I really like eggnog. A lot. But I’m not willing to sell my children to finance my fancy. (At least not during this season of mandatory goodwill and cheer.) So I set about to find the perfect eggnog recipe.

Over the past couple of years, I have tried just about every variation out there.
The cooked version. It is so much work, and it turns unacceptably gloppy if you overcook it by a quarter of a second. The instructions always say something inconceivably unhelpful like, “Remove from heat immediately before it comes to a boil.” Why don’t I just “turn left at the second last intersection” while I’m at it?
The whipped egg whites version. Again with the so much work. Plus extra dishes. And then if you don’t drink it right away, it all separates and just…meh.
The fancy ingredients. Really, sweetened condensed milk in eggnog is a pretty fantastic creation. But I don’t always have a can on hand, and it’s kind of expensive. Not a bad idea, just not perfect.

So without further ado, I shall share with you the recipe that IS perfect. And easy. And made with ingredients that you already have.

4 large eggs
1/3 to ½ cup sugar, depending how sweet you like it
Nutmeg to taste (try ½ tsp, then add more later if you like)
2 cups milk
½ cup cream (or if you want it a bit thicker, add more cream and reduce the milk accordingly)

Get all the ingredients out and measured. Put the eggs in a blender and beat well. (15 seconds in a Vitamix on about speed 5, or up to a minute in a standard blender that isn’t going to start cooking the eggs). While the blender is still running, slowly pour in the sugar and nutmeg. Then the milk. Then the cream. Let it run for a few more seconds.

That’s it! If you have any willpower (I’ve heard of this strange thing. Can I get it on Amazon?), you can pour it into a jug and chill it for a couple of hours. Or if you’re me, you can drink it right from the blender container. Or if you’re a normal person somewhere in the middle of those two extremes, pour it into 4 glasses and serve with another dash of nutmeg. And then immediately make another batch.

Obviously this is the child-safe version. You can very easily stir some rum (spiced, light, dark, whatever) and/or brandy into the adults’ servings.

There you have it, folks! Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!


Posted by on November 30, 2014 in Recipes


2 responses to “Eggnog from the Realms of Glory

  1. Steve

    December 1, 2014 at 10:49 AM

    As for me and the household I grew up in: my equivalent of “turn left at the second-to-last intersection is “You can very easily stir some rum (spiced, light, dark, whatever) and/or brandy into the adults’ servings.”

    • Anita Neuman

      December 1, 2014 at 10:57 AM

      Ha ha ha! Well played. Pour one ounce of liquor into an 8- or 10-ounce glass and fill the rest of the glass with the nog. That’ll be plenty for you. 🙂


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